Friday, May 11, 2012

I have been ordered to go riding today. This order came as no surprise to me.  Since I have not even seen my sweet horse in a month, I'm going to heed the directive.  Also, I think if I don't I might be getting served, and I don't mean dinner, later on tonight.  As in divorce papers.  As in I'm hard to live with lately.

My horse is only 2 1/2 miles down the road.  There is no earthly excuse for this prolonged absence. Except that my husband is gone a lot,  I have a 50 mile a day kid/school commute and I don't want to get smelly and dirty and then go to school in my horse pants. I always look like such a bitch when I show up in that monster truck with horse pants on.  Like a hillbilly version of Carmella Soprano. It looks like I should have a housekeeper named Lourdes and get my nails done every week. Instead of the life I really have which includes a housekeeper named Lourdes whom I have to clean up after once a week. 'Oh, you wanted ME to vacuum the dog bed?' she says.  No joke.  That conversation happened yesterday. 

My horse trailer is currently filled with the contents of a storage unit I emptied last week. And when I say 'filled' I mean there's stuff in there but only in one of the bays.  I am not a hoarder.  I am sort of the anti-hoarder.

Or I was. Until Life hit me.

Now my filing to-do list rivals that of the National Archives.

Apparently, 'Good Living' requires a balance between holding on to meaningful things and letting go of the rest.  I suck at balance.  I mean unless its of the equine balance variety.  And even then, I've been tossed on my head a few times.

I want to keep all of the kids' mementos and art work. I want to be able to look back on this day and understand its significance in 20 years.  I want to (white-knuckle) hold on to every instant of their lives so I can later cherish (the shit out of) it.

'Here's a thought,'  my friend said to me yesterday after a meeting, 'why don't you just enjoy right now?' I'm like, 'shut up you bitch, I'm on a roll here.  I have a SYSTEM.  I am going to enjoy life in 20 years.  OKAY?!'

So that's why I'm going riding today.  I'm going to cherish (the shit out of) it in real time just as soon as Jeff gets done emptying the horse trailer of 20 years worth of mementos that I cannot, for the life of me, remember the significance of. 

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